The Ultimate Face Slimmer

I know it looks dirty. It looks like something that you'd buy online from a catalog that you found in a bus station bathroom (c'mon...who hasn't done that?). But, it's actually the newest thing in weight loss technology from Japan. It's called the Face Slimmer. How does it work? I ran the description through Google Translate. Here's what it said...

3 minutes a day, opening a mouthpiece made of silicone
"Aiueo" In addition to the. To a large flabby face
Candid small face. Not used much in everyday life
Characters to care about the mouth, not by train the muscles of facial expression
To the mouth of the corner of the mouth and youthful rose out ~Tsu
Go. "Aiueo" while applying a load of
Slim face in! The bath effectively by gymnastics
Is effective because the muscles are loosened.

Oh...now I understand.